New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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