smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
