I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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