It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
