I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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