Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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