Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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