This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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