We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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