my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
