First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
