Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
