It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
