I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
