does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
