Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
