So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I have tasted many bathrooms
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
