New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
