you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
