It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
