i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
