Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
