and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Randomize
