I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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