and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
