So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We talked him into tasing himself.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
