Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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