your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Nicole vs. Life
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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