so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
