I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
