I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
She's the barista slut.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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