Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
