Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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