She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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