my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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