Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
