wanna go halves on a baby?
I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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