I can tuck mytits in my pants
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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