I think my fart just growled at me.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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