planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
