I'm pants shitting drunk right now
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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