People in love make me want to vomit
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Randomize
