Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
