You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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