I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
