We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
