Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
