Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
