That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
