dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
